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Libido is another term for sex drive or sexual desire. It is normal for everyone to experience fluctuations in their libido at different times in their life, or on any given day. When a person loses their libido, they may notice that they do not feel like being intimate or having sex, or that they do not think about sex in the same way.

It is common for people after a cancer diagnosis, during treatment or when living beyond cancer to experience changes to their libido. This may be because of:

  • Tiredness or fatigue
  • Anxiety or stress about having cancer
  • Low mood or depression
  • Side effects from treatment
  • Changes to hormone levels
  • Changes to your relationship
  • Body image concerns or loss of confidence following changes due to cancer or its treatment

 

In addition, people may find that the following impacts on libido:

  • Pregnancy and having a baby – your hormone levels change when you’re pregnant, and looking after a baby can be stressful and tiring
  • Taking certain medicines, such as medicine for high blood pressure or antidepressants
  • Using hormonal contraception
  • Drinking too much alcohol

 

For some people changes to their libido can be distressing, and they may find themselves feeling particularly concerned or anxious about this and the potential impact it could have on their relationship.

 

If you are struggling with this, the general advice on the sex & intimacy page may be helpful, as may some of these more specific tips below:

  • For many people their desire for sex will go back to normal after treatment has finished. Though this looks different for everyone, and for some it may take a little longer
  • Talk with your partner about how you are feeling. And if helpful explain that any changes to your libido may be because of the side effects of treatment or the impact of cancer, not because of any change to how you feel about them or your relationship
  • If you don’t feel like having sex, think about other ways you can be intimate and affectionate with your partner, such as kissing, cuddling, holding hands, touching, talking. Often people will find they stop this when they have low libido, but it can provide closeness and comfort
  • If sex used to provide a sense of relief or pleasure before changes to your libido, think about what else may provide this either within your relationship or alone
  • Take intercourse or sex (whatever this means for you) off the table for some time with your sexual partner, so that you have boundaries in place for how intimate you want to be with each other. This may mean being abstinent or engaging in some sexual activities but not others. If you are single or not in a sexual relationship you can also do the same for yourself with regards to solo sex or masturbation. This can help take pressure off yourself and your relationship.
  • If you are struggling with feeling anxious, then practicing mindfulness exercises to help re-focus your attention during sex can be helpful to help you be more present in the moment and support arousal. For information on mindfulness activities you can go to: Mindfulness – NHS
  • If you are struggling with your emotions, consider accessing psychological support or psychosexual therapy

 

More information:

This is just an introduction to difficulties with low libido. For more information you can go to:

 

Who can help:

  • Speak to your cancer team or GP for support or an onward referral to a specialist service
  • You can ask your cancer team for a referral to the Macmillan Cancer Psychological Support Team (CaPS) at St George’s Hospital if you are a patient under their care and would like to consider psychological therapy. You can find information about the CaPS team at: Macmillan Cancer Psychological Support (CaPS) Team – St George’s University Hospitals NHS Foundation Trust
  • To access psychosexual therapy, speak to your cancer team or GP in case this is available via the NHS. If not, you can consider accessing private support via:

>The College of Sexual and Relationship Therapists (COSRT) www.cosrt.org.uk/ 

>The Institute of Psychosexual Medicine www.ipm.org.uk

>Relate offers online, face-to-face or phone services to help with relationships and support sex therapy. Visit their website to find a service near you www.relate.org.uk

>Pink Therapy is an independent therapy organisation that provides a directory of qualified therapists who take an affirmative stance on LGBTIQ+ support 3 www.pinktherapy.com